


photo developing

by andnowforyaya



Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 20:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1111115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andnowforyaya/pseuds/andnowforyaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Youngjae disconnects from the group. Daehyun notices and tries to bring him back in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	photo developing

It's a slow, gradual thing, Youngjae realizes. His disappearing act. It's not like he'd planned it, but it had happened anyway. And he's mostly okay with it.

 

It's kind of relaxing, becoming the wallflower. It's easier, during interviews, for him not to speak at all. Dance practice is just memorization, after all, and Youngjae's always been good with his head and going through the motions. Singing practice is a game of cat and mouse with Daehyun, and Youngjae has become familiar with chasing Daehyun's high notes.

 

So, he's okay with it. He picks up photography. He likes being behind the lens, seeing the world through glass. The first pictures he takes are all blurry, but they gradually become sharper. His bandmates are good models. Eventually, they don't even pose for his camera anymore, and he's able to take candids, like a paparazzi that's infiltrated the ranks.

 

He snaps a group photo during one of their MV filmings, and it's good. Daehyun and Himchan laughing at something Jongup is doing in front of them, and Yongguk and Junhong off-center in a more serious conversation.

 

"Cool," Daehyun says from over his shoulder, from where he's looking at the screen of Youngjae's camera. "But something's missing." He taps the screen, smirking a little when Youngjae covers his camera protectively.

 

It takes him a moment, but then he realizes what's missing. It's him. 

 

.

 

His mother had always called him soft in a fond sort of way, like here was her precious Youngjae, who was being so brave for pursuing his dreams, and wasn't he so cute, the entertainment world was just going to eat him up.

 

" _Mom_ ," he would whine, over a small lunch with his mother and a friend of hers, picking at his salad because he wasn't allowed to have anything else.

 

"I think they're finalizing the roster, you know," his mother would gush with this twinkle in her eye, and her friend would ooh and ahh as needed, and Youngjae would continue to pick at his salad, used to being the center of the conversation but otherwise a third wheel in the scene.

 

"I think they're bringing in someone new. Another vocal," he mumbled, once, forking a cherry tomato into his mouth. It exploded on his tongue.

 

"Just like that?" his mother had replied, waving her own fork around in dismissal. "I don't believe it."

 

"He must be good," his mother's friend had said. His mother narrowed her eyes. "I mean, to be in the same group as your son."

 

Youngjae sighed. The conversation turned again to things that were of little interest to him - the latest drama and celebrity scandals and a mutual friend they believed to be either taking a class secretly or having an affair. 

 

He wondered who the new guy would be.

 

.

 

It's a rare night that finds Daehyun and Himchan and Youngjae around a grill at a simple meat restaurant, watching the strips of pork curl up at their edges. Daehyun keeps using the tongs to check the underside of the meat, and Himchan keeps slapping lightly at Daehyun's wrist in reprimand. They're sitting next to each other on two stools with Youngjae directly across.

 

"If you lift it up like that, it won't cook properly!"

 

"I'm  _hungry_ ," Daehyun whines, replacing the tongs in his hands with his chopsticks and picking at the kimchi their waitress had brought to their table. He nibbles on one spicy cabbage leaf, eyeing the meat that is still grilling.

 

Youngjae sighs, snaps a picture with his camera of Daehyun's pouting face and Himchan's returning look of exasperation. He glances at the resulting image. Not bad. The lighting could be better.

 

"Hey!" Himchan protests. "I wasn't ready for that one."

 

"Please," Daehyun scoffs, picking up another serving of kimchi. "You always look perfect in every photo, hyung."

 

Himchan doesn't handle embarrassing flattery very well. Since Daehyun is so close, he reaches out to pinch the younger boy's cheek, pulling at the skin enough to make Daehyun yelp while laughing. "You little brown-noser," Himchan calls him, fondly.

 

Youngjae snaps another picture. This one turns out much better, with the two in action, Daehyun's eyebrows furrowed at the treatment and Himchan's pleased grin.

 

Daehyun rubs at his cheek, petulant. "That hurt."

 

"Love hurts," Himchan returns, grabbing for the tongs. "I think we can eat, now."

 

He serves Daehyun first, making a roll out of a lettuce leaf, meat, kimchi, and various other sides. After a brief, considering pause, he adds even more kimchi, so that the roll can barely contain itself and holds it up to Daehyun's lips. "Ahhh," Himchan instructs.

 

Daehyun laughs again, opens his mouth, turns away because the offering is comically huge, and then gamely turns back once more to eat what Himchan has made for him. "Mmm," he approves, nodding, cheeks full of food. Himchan taps him on the lips and Daehyun has to face away, eyes narrowing into slits to keep from laughing and spewing the food everywhere. Youngjae snaps another picture.

 

"It's good, right?" Himchan asks, and then it's every man for himself. The meat is gone from the grill in seconds, and they eat more than they talk, taking this rare chance to eat their fill without consequences.

 

It isn't until Daehyun is holding another wrap, much smaller than Himchan's, up to Youngjae's face that he realizes he hasn't spoken a word at the table all night. "Try it," Daehyun says, smiling. Youngjae leans forward just a bit and holds the wrap between his teeth and Daehyun pushes with his fingers, and he thinks his bottom lip catches the pad of Daehyun's index finger before he pulls away, but he can't be sure. Daehyun sits back, pleased with himself. "Good?"

 

Youngjae nods, voice suddenly gone, like Daehyun had just sucked it right out of him.

 

The two other boys turn back to each other and talk about something that Youngjae can't quite decipher, like they're speaking in code, like the conversation is something that began in private.

 

It hurts, then, the sudden disconnect. It makes him feel like a stranger with his friends. Youngjae picks up his camera again, and he snaps another picture: Daehyun and Himchan with their bodies closed off from the outside world, a delicate smile on Himchan's lips as he speaks, and a brightness in Daehyun's eyes as he watches him.

 

.

 

When Daehyun had first joined them, they'd all realized at the same, horrible moment, that all of their formations in their dances would have to change.

 

"At least he's cute," Himchan had protested, in their dorm after the initial meeting and practice. The new guy, Jung Daehyun, had barely said a word in the studio, just quirked a smile and nodded when he was supposed to nod, and tried to follow along their dance routine as best as capable. Which, unfortunately, wasn't very. He had yet to move in, being so fresh from Busan. 

 

"All face, no brain," Himchan continued, nodding to himself and stealing a bit of Yongguk's fried chicken. They'd decided to treat themselves after such an awkward practice session, and had splurged on some take-out chicken for a midnight snack. "Light's on but no one's home? Ah, like a puppy."

 

"You've still got some!" Yongguk cried out, mouth half-full of chicken. Himchan stuck his tongue out at him, and Yongguk submitted. "Whatever. He seems nice. I think he'll fit in, right?" He looked around at each of the members, gauging.

 

Jongup and Junhong were engrossed in their food. As the youngest two members, though, they weren't going to give Daehyun any trouble. Yongguk's gaze landed on Youngjae. The two of them would be sharing a room and training together the most, since they would be the main vocalists for the group.

 

Youngjae gulped. "I guess," he said, shrugging.

 

He thought about what his mother would say. It wasn't like she'd want him to make it easy for Daehyun.

 

.

 

There's a slight, petty part of Youngjae that really wants to be able to hate Daehyun. For his bright personality and talented vocals and his determination and his ability to get under your skin.

 

He knows his best friend, his roommate, deserves every bit of the spotlight he gets, but there are moments in the middle of the night, when Daehyun is snoring lightly in the bed next to his, where Youngjae thinks:

 

What if he'd never joined? What if Youngjae had been alone? What if he didn't have to share the spotlight?

 

Then the next morning he'll sit next to Daehyun over breakfast as the other shovels rice into his mouth, and he'll feel like a traitor.

 

.

 

He isn't quite sure how Daehyun and Himchan always do it, but it's three in the morning when he hears the covers on the bed next to his rustling, and then the small light of the desk lamp clicks on. Youngjae rubs at his eyes and stretches, watching the silhouette of Daehyun pulling on socks.

 

"Where are you going?" Youngjae mumbles.

 

Daehyun startles, silhouette freezing for a moment. He says, "Sorry, did I wake you?"

 

"It's okay," Youngjae says into the half-darkness.

 

"Himchan and I are going to get something to eat. We both couldn't sleep...want to come?"

 

He extends the invitation hesitantly, like he isn't sure if it's his invitation to extend. Youngjae sighs and turns back around in his bed. "No, thanks."

 

He leaves.

 

When he returns, the sun is just starting to peak over the horizon, and he smells like smoke and chili and very slightly of alcohol. He also crawls right into Youngjae's bed, drapes himself over his friend like an octopus.

 

Youngjae lies very, very still.

 

"You're heavy," he complains. "And you smell."

 

"You're comfortable," Daehyun whines, not budging at all. "You should have come with me. It was fun." 

 

Youngjae doesn't answer, content to bear with Daehyun's weight and to close his eyes, and to try to get in a few more precious minutes of sleep.

 

"Hey," Daehyun whispers in his ear after a moment too long of silence. "I mean it. You never come out with me anymore. Is everything okay?"

 

"I just don't feel like going out," Youngjae says, because that's easier than saying, "I don't know what part I play in the group, anymore."

 

He continues, because Daehyun is close and warm, and it's been a while since Youngjae has had him to himself. "I'm sorry if I'm worrying you. It's really nothing. I'm just tired."

 

"It's not that," Daehyun breathes into Youngjae's ear. He rolls off of Youngjae and sidles up behind him, wrapping his arms around Youngjae's middle. He's drifting off, Youngjae can tell, so familiar with his patterns of sleep - Daehyun's voice deepening and body going slack around him. "You just don't seem very happy lately."

 

"I'm okay," Youngjae reiterates, his hands finding Daehyun's. It's only natural to hold them. "Just tired."

 

They fall asleep on Youngjae's bed. It's nearly noon by the time Yongguk comes in to wake them.

 

.

 

They're halfway through an interview with a magazine when Youngjae looks around at his bandmates and sees all the places he doesn't fit.

 

When Himchan had been injured and couldn't promote with them, they had felt his absence keenly; now, Youngjae sits behind Yongguk and swivels on his stool and watches the camera, and he doesn't answer any questions because none are directed to him to answer. The red recording light blinks and Youngjae wonders what it's capturing, if he even shows up on film at all. He knows what it's like to be on the other side of the lens.

 

Junhong says something, sweet and halting, and Youngjae doesn't catch it.

 

Then, a pause.

 

Youngjae blinks at the red recording light. Daehyun nudges him lightly in the side and says, "Sorry. Youngjae was on breakfast duty this morning, so he's more tired than usual. Can you repeat the question?"

 

Their interviewer laughs, good-spirited, and repeats the question.

 

When they're done, Youngjae darts from their dressing room and through the set, to their van idling in the back. They have another interview to get to, but he knows he has a few minutes before Himchan even thinks about getting ready to leave, and as a result, Yongguk won't start nagging until after. 

 

He doesn't expect Daehyun to follow him so closely on his heels, for him to be there when he opens the sliding door of the van, touching his elbow as he climbs in. He pauses, body halfway out of the van, a foot still on the ground, and turns around.

 

Daehyun's face is a photograph that's been put through filter upon filter, wrinkled at the edges and worn and loved. It's the face Youngjae sees when Daehyun looks at pictures of his family from their hotel room in Japan, when Daehyun gets off the phone with a childhood friend and needs a moment to recalibrate his accent.

 

Youngjae says, "What?" and the photograph crumples.

 

"Is everything okay?" Daehyun asks him, voice wavering, and Youngjae wants both to appease him and push him away. Daehyun's voice has always had such an effect on him.

 

"The others will be here soon. Yeah, everything's fine. What's wrong with you?"

 

"The others are busy, but we've all noticed, Youngjae. You're acting strange."

 

Youngjae lets that phrase ruminate in his own head before mumbling, "Sorry." He turns back around to haul himself into one of the back seats, but Daehyun's hand is insistent at his elbow, and becomes a tug.

 

"Stop apologizing," Daehyun orders. He pulls until Youngjae stands before him, and Youngjae doesn't know what to do with his hands, but then the other boy takes them both, and his fingers are smooth and warm. "Sometimes you go off somewhere alone, in your head. I noticed. You seem lonely, and I don't know why."

 

The problem with Daehyun is - 

 

Okay, the  _main_ problem with Daehyun is -

 

Okay, the _top three_  problems with Daehyun are:

 

1\. He never stops talking once he opens his mouth.

 

2\. He never stops eating.

 

3\. He has this way of opening you up and seeing you for real and appreciating it, appreciating you, and Youngjae hates it and loves it, how it feels like Daehyun can know him so intimately after so little time together, how it feels like Daehyun is the only person who knows him at all.

 

Youngjae stares because he feels torn open, like Daehyun has reached into his chest and pulled out his heart, and he thinks that maybe that's where his heart belongs, anyway, in the hands of someone like the boy standing before him. Daehyun loosens his grip and cups Youngjae's cheek in one hand, and he says, "Don't be lonely, okay? I'm right here."

 

His thumb is rough-warm against Youngjae's cheek, and then his lips are there, feather-soft and wonderful. "I miss you," he breathes onto Youngjae's skin.

 

Youngjae closes his eyes, feels the light brush of Daehyun's eyelashes on his cheek. "Okay," he sighs. "Okay, okay," and his hands are in Daehyun's hair, which is sticky and stiff from product. He pulls and Daehyun follows, and then they're in the van. 

 

He tells Daehyun the truth, and Daehyun strips the lies away with his teeth.

 

.

 

He can't sleep, not with Daehyun so near him, not now that kissing Daehyun on the lips is not only perfectly acceptable but even encouraged by the other. Daehyun snores lightly, curled up on his side. He has drifted a bit from the position he fell asleep in, head tucked into Youngjae's chest, but it's okay. Youngjae can still see the shadow of his eyelashes against his cheeks in the dim light of dawn seeping through their curtains.

 

Not sleeping has not been as much a problem as Youngjae thought it could have been. He catnaps frequently, and falls asleep more often than not when there is even a half second of downtime on a couch or various other flat surface. He always wakes to Daehyun.

 

If anything, the hours spent not sleeping have done wonders for his tweeting productivity, since he usually spends the time Daehyun is curled up in their beds on his laptop, editing photos and posting them on his blog.

 

He starts doing this now, carefully shifting to sit with his back against the headboard, his laptop balanced on his thighs, the glow of the screen throwing shadows across his face.

 

As he flips through the virtual roll of photos, deleting a few and plucking others out of the general crop, he thinks about the times that all the photos were taken, and smiles.

 

There are ones of Himchan with Yongguk, heads bent close together as they look over some new lyrics together. Junhong on his skateboard, Jongup in the studio. Group shots on a day out, a few of a night where Daehyun and Himchan had attempted to cook for them all.

 

There are quite a few of just Daehyun: getting his hair done by their make up noonas, posing with a box of packaged ramen sent as a present from a fan, drinking coffee at a cafe with the sun streaming in behind him.

 

The bed creaks. Daehyun rolls over and inches up, slipping his head under one of Youngjae's arms in order to lay on his lap, facing the screen.

 

"It's early," he comments.

 

"I didn't ask you to wake up," Youngjae replies dryly, his fingers falling to scratch at Daehyun's scalp. Daehyun shifts up a little higher, to offer a better angle, and Youngjae laughs.

 

Eventually his fingers still in Daehyun's hair, and he's almost certain his bedmate has succumbed again to sleep, so of course that is when Daehyun says, "You're not in any of these pictures."

 

"That's because _I'm_  taking them."

 

  
_Click_.

 

Youngjae looks down at the boy who has somehow produced his cellphone and is taking pictures from underneath his chin. Daehyun snorts when he looks at the resulting photo.

 

"Hey!" Youngjae tries to take the phone from him, but Daehyun darts away quickly, rolls to his knees laughing. "You're so weird, taking pictures of my nostrils."

 

"But they're such pretty nostrils!" Daehyun manages when he's calmed a bit. "Here, come here, look."

 

He puts his laptop to the side to follow, but as soon as he is close enough, Daehyun quickly snaps another picture.

 

"Hey!" Youngjae calls again, feeling slighted.

 

"This one is much better," Daehyun admits, showing it to Youngjae. The phone has caught Youngjae with a bewildered face, eyes wide as he shuffled toward Daehyun on the bed. "Come on, let's take one together."

 

  
_Click_.

 

In the picture, Daehyun is looking straight at the camera, a big, teeth-showing smile on his face, and Youngjae is looking at Daehyun, the way he's still looking at him, eyes bright and full of wonder, and sometimes it feels like Daehyun had pulled him out of a cave of his own design, and as he stood blinking at the light he realized where it was coming from.

 

Daehyun is saying, "I'm totally posting this. We look great, wow," when Youngjae tackles him back down to the bed, lips seeking out any hint of bare skin. Daehyun shrieks, and he's sure by now that Himchan is up, and probably Jongup, awoken by their laughter, but he kisses Daehyun and wishes he could keep doing this forever.

 

"Hey, let me," Daehyun gasps, and then he's sucked the air out of him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me at [my tumblr](http://paperkrane.tumblr.com) or [leave me a prompt ](http://andnowforyaya.tumblr.com/ask):)
> 
> This was a response to a prompt by an anon which I have unfortunately lost. 
> 
> Prompt: Hey! Can you write a slight angsty daejae. With Youngjae being fed up with everything (depressed) feeling useless in B.A.P. and just wants to disappear. He feels alone since nobody pays attention to him. He trys to talk to the members but they simply don't have to hear his problems. And Daehyun slowly realsing what is going happening to his friend since he notices how the bright and happy guys slowly turnes into a quiet and distant person. Daehyun doesn't know how to help Youngjae...


End file.
